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F.I.A
My Web Comic

No, this is not fanfic but I just don't know where I should post this. :sweatface:

Yeah, the old dust-gathering web comics(Behold, the time they are created! :sweatface: ). Here thinking of remaking the whole comics. Thus, I need some guine.. uh, people to watch and comment on it. I know they are worst than a car crash, but don't where is wrong. Mind help and catch the buggy? :buck:

And yes, this is sure a spam lookalike, so sorry to all admins for being rude. :buck:
Larghaz
Well there's some room for improvement. :sweatface:

The jokes could use some work.

You should also work on the grammar.
DeathC03
I see that you are still stubborn to continue your comic when it has a long gap of passive period in between, friend. But, your persistence may reward you.

Something is amiss. Of course, your briefings on each of the comics, so the readers able to catch the jokes.
Larghaz
QUOTE (DeathC03 @ Jul 24 2004, 11:44 PM)
Something is amiss. Of course, your briefings on each of the comics, so the readers able to catch the jokes.

Couldn't agree more. It's kinda difficult to see what's funny with the situation if you don't know what's going on.
F.I.A
QUOTE (DeathC03 @ Jul 25 2004, 11:44 AM)
I see that you are still stubborn to continue your comic when it has a long gap of passive period in between, friend. But, your persistence may reward you.

Something is amiss. Of course, your briefings on each of the comics, so the readers able to catch the jokes.

Yo, Bone-Head! Where have you been for the last March? Going back to Underworld or something? :laugh:

Thanks for telling me that I should put briefings in. Okay, here goes:
1. First episode, this displays the opening ceremony of the Sanctuary. But F.I.A messed up by reading on a menu than his speech script. :buck:
2. F.I.A was still down with how the ceremony turned out, and he kept getting orders of food via telephone(Since, many mistook his Sanctuary for a restaurant after first episode.) Annoyed, he told Plague, his passive assistant to help him silence them phone. He silenced it all right...
3. This is a filler for some mind-bogglings in ep1 and ep2. Also introduces Chrona, the time keeper of the Sanctuary.
4. Gaston, the good-for-nothing worker of the Sanctuary, enjoys nothing but lazying off and gaming. Of course, F.I.A should not let him pass his judgement.
5. The yin and yang of the Sanctuary introduced, namely Syfa and Safira(Later changed to Kyfira due to some name clash.) Both have a thing for Gaston, but never sit together well in peace.(If you have noticed, I colour pages of the multiply by 5.) :argue:
6. Holly, the priestess and Mira, the adorable witch(But works as nurse here.). Holly wonders why they need a med-center in a studio.
7. The third of the vampiric siblings comes into play, the genious Fahrent. Gifted with great knowledge, he tries to end world's hunger(More likely to produce big juicy tomato for himself. :sweatface: )
8. The fourth of the vampiric siblings, the psyhics(SP?) Izlude enters play. Blessed with telekinesis and telepathy, he helps F.I.A to cut cost over rebuilding Sanctuary after the previous episode. On his shoulder is his favourite teddy bear of his childhood, who he keeps animated.
9. The second of the vampiric siblings, the melodic Hudson comes to the stage. He can animate anything with mere thoughts. But that need a large ammount of concentration and he concentrates on things when he does things he likes most-- singing. Thus, his animated objects have music symbols on them.
10. Mira, who learns witchcraft back in her hometown(That is also where the vampiric siblings live), knows some weird ingredients for make-up which Holly will never understand. :buck:
11. The first of the vampiric siblings introduced, the Big Sister Emma. She is supposed to have unlimited strength and artistic sense. What she is good at: Make-up can go over an hour. (No, I did not play Disgaea back then, so no, she is not inspired from Etna, even though she also has red hair.) :buck:
12. F.I.A just wondered where does his money goes when Chrona hands over the monthly report.
13. From episode 12, F.I.A ordered both Ms Yin and Yang to be removed from the hospital. Go figure what happened. :sweatface:
14. This is a filler on how the Sanctuary actually looks like, but F.I.A is still on a hunt on those money-eaters...
15. And how someone just don't use the office tools well. Added a pun of Megaman here. :buck:
16. Izlude is suffering from sickness due to his overuse of psyhics power than physical strength.
17. Yes, Mira and Izlude are actually much close together for being childhood friends, but Mira wished him to be out of the med-center ASAP. :buck:
18. F.I.A suggested for a indoor cooking rather than ordering from outside to cut some cost. Thus, Chrona scheculed and Emma is the first for the cooking duty. The dish is sure beautiful, ornamentally. Can only eat that little pearl thingy.
19. When F.I.A dreams of success, normally something with a red 'F' follows. Got that idea when I am having some bad results in school when drawing that. :buck:

As you see, I am trying to introduce the characters in the first ten episodes. But do you think I am getting a little too spotaneous with the story and are those humors a little too unfunny?
Larghaz
Ok, now put what you just typed on the first page of your site. And keep updating it everytime there's a new comic.
DeathC03
QUOTE (F.I.A @ Jul 26 2004, 06:22 PM)
Yo, Bone-Head! Where have you been for the last March? Going back to Underworld or something? :laugh:

Thanks for telling me that I should put briefings in. Okay, here goes:

I had been busy for the past few months.

I minght think that you are rushing your comic's growth by giving spotaneous episodes. I suggest that you enlengthen your story more as you progress slowly to introduce all characters.

This is just my opinion. Other may find your comics fine.
Weenus Ward
Its pretty good. I think it's really funny. :angryfire:
Zanza
very funny! nice work! :laugh:
Kamisama
It's your originality and courage to show that counts. Nice work!
F.I.A
QUOTE (Kamisama @ Sep 2 2004, 01:40 PM)
It's your originality and courage to show that counts. Nice work!

Good that you think it has some original concept.(I am getting worrying that I might accidentally copy some of others. :sweatface: )

Here's a remake for the first two episodes done early this year.(Thinking of having a 2nd remake in 2005.)

Episode 1(Old) vs Episode 1(New)

Episode 2(Old) vs Episose 2(New)

Any improvement? :sweatface:
Larghaz
Well, the art is better now, but you still have to work on the grammar.

Your Version:
Plague recalled you asked him to...

Right Grammar Version:
Plague recalls that you asked him to...

(If Plague really talks in third person.)
Kamisama
Better graphic, but as Larghaz's sez...grammar...
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